I am a mother of two beautiful children. A 6 year old girl Ella and a 2 year old boy Bodhi. I am also a step-mum to a stunning 18 year old girl Lexi. I have the coolest kids in the universe and am so proud of them! But, probably like you if you are reading this, I can at times fall short of my ridiculous expectations that I have on myself and suffer from guilt. Guilt that I have given my kids too much sugar, or TV. Guilt for yelling at them or not letting them have enough fun. I also at times suffer from guilt after making a decision or after doing something that is not in line with my values. Guilt is complex and something that has been ingrained into women and mothers (and men and fathers in different ways too!) of our culture for many many generations so it’s completely understandable that it’s something that comes up for us but it’s something that can also be released and cleared.
Here are some tips that I have found to help:
Ask yourself is this generational/cultural guilt?
By looking into your family and culture or religion, you may find that much of the guilt that you have been carrying comes from here and it’s actually not your guilt. Acknowledge that you have been carrying it and look for ways to empower yourself now. To clear generational patterning and conditioning, click here.
Heal from your past
Your past holds answers to your energy conditioning and patterning. When do you remember you first experienced guilt? It may have been passed on during conception or birth or something that you learnt in childhood. For some more deeper work to clear this from your energy, consider some Energy Therapy.
What are my beliefs?
Your guilt comes from beliefs which have been developed very early and reinforced over your lifetime. The good news is, you can change your beliefs! With a pen and paper, start writing down what some of your beliefs are.. You could start with “I believe…” and then “I feel guilty because….” Are these beliefs still serving you now?
What are my expectations and are they realistic?
Think about the person, parent, partner, employee, sibling, etc that you want to be. What are your values? Why does this matter to you? Think about the person you want to be and the values you want to live by. Does this guilt line with your core values? If not, can you let it go? If so, read on..
Consider what you need to change and put in place a plan of action. For example, if you feel guilty for yelling at your kids, could you learn some anger management strategies? Is there a course that you could do that would help? Or a book? Do you need to apologise? Start making ACTION towards the desired behaviour that lines up with your values.
STOP PUTTING GUILT ON TOP OF GUILT
Ok, this is a big one. Action if fuelled by guilt does not produce fruit. If you feel guilt, notice it and choose to let it go. If you notice your mind wandering again and wanting to think negatively again, catch it and practice some breathing to get yourself back on track. You may have to do this a lot before your mind catches on, especially if guilt has been a pattern for you.
Notice what your guilt is trying to achieve
Sometimes guilt can give power to something else. Are you using guilt as a way to manipulate others to do what you want? Or is the guilt stopping you from making another decision? Or moving forward along a particular path? Is this kind of behaviour lining up with your true self? Is this something that you want to continue?
Understand that guilt is a part of the human existence. It is very natural. Notice it, forgive yourself and continue with the actions that give life. A phrase that may help is “Even though I feel guilty at times for…. (insert latest guilt), I completely love and accept myself”.
Start being grateful (in advance) for the lesson you have learnt and the person that you are becoming. “Thank you self for showing me my guilt about… I am now letting that go and am thankful for more opportunities to live guilt-free”.
Again, reach out if you feel too. Guilt can be deep and rooted in trauma with layers on top from conditioning. Services to help are available here.