Sex can be incredibly blissful. Ecstasy. Ultimate pleasure. Orgasmic. Though for many, sex can be a source of shame, frustration, boredom or disconnection. If you want more out of your sex life, perhaps you crave a deeper connection, more pleasure or would simply like more skills, then learning the different ways that we express and are turned on sexually can be a lot of fun and can also open you up to a whole new world of sexual play and pleasure 🙂
In my last post, I discussed Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages. Well just as there are different ways that we can express and show love to ourselves and others, there can also be differences in the way that we express and are turned on sexuality too. This is good information for people in relationships as understanding how the other is turned on and speaking their language can be a lot of fun and also, it is a great way to show love to the other! But it’s also great information for those that are single or dating as understanding the unique ways to unlock pleasure can bring a lot of fun and a deeper level of understanding of self and others. It can also help us to let go of some of the shame that we may have felt relating to sex, help us to feel more attractive or attracted and can open us up to new and exciting sexual opportunities! And we all want some of that!
I came to learn about the sex languages through Jaiya. Jaiya is a sexologist with a lot of experience with working with people to help them understand and unlock their sexual pleasure. She has a great quiz that you can do and further courses to learn about what she calls the “sexual blueprints”. Each of them has power in their own right but also a shadow too. The five sexual blueprints are:
This blueprint is for those that are turned on by sight, naked bodies and erotic images. A sexual can usually be turned on really quickly and for them, sex is about bodies and orgasms. Sex is usually very simple for them and can sometimes feel frustrating if it takes time to get their partner there.
Those with a sensual blueprint are turned on by what they can experience with their senses, this includes touch on their body, but also what they can taste, hear and see. They can be very sensitive to the environment around them so lighting, music and other sounds can add to the experience (but can also be very distracting!). The sensual has a super power if they can hone into their senses, getting out of their heads and into the experience as they can experience orgasm through any of the senses. They like to take their time and allow their body to experience all that it can. For them, sex is the entire experience, not just about the orgasm. In fact, they can feel completely satisfied with loads of fore play with no orgasm.
Those with a kinky blueprint are very creative. They are turned on by new and different things and also those things that they perceive to be “taboo”. For some that may include sex in public or the use or toys, for others that may mean playing with dominatrix/BDSM. The kinky are only limited by their imagination.
This blueprint is all about the vibe. They are turned on by the anticipation and can be more spiritually inclined, in tune with their chakras, which are the energy centres in the body. They have the potential to have orgasms very easily (though not all of them do) by using their thoughts, or even just by eye contact or breathing. They generally respond best to a heart felt connection with another person, a deeper connection and they are very responsive to the energy of others around them, including the energy of their playmate. They have the ability to move sexual energy throughout the body and enjoy the energy in all parts of their body, without even being touched!
The shape shifter is all of the above and really craves variety. They are fluent in all of the sexual languages and love it all! They are highly erotic but can judge themselves because they want it all! Furthermore, because they can speak all the languages, they may get caught in speaking the language of their partner all the time and that can feel unfulfilling after a while and a bit boring. They may then begin to look for more outside of the relationship to meet their needs.
Each of these blueprints can have a shadow side and each of these can also be affected by our experiences, including any trauma. What’s great about sexual play is that if the conditions are right, it can also be amazingly healing though it is important to create a safe place for play in the bedroom (even if you like a bit of power and control play, or kink in the bedroom) and make sure that you are getting consent from your partner and that you are able to voice your needs too.
What’s your sexual blueprint? Feel free to share your thoughts in a comment 🙂
Images thanks to Matheus Ferrero and Alejandra Quiroz found on Unsplash.